Tuesday, December 24, 2002

 

what's it like to anticipate something which you cannot label desirable nor haunting? it came today nonetheless, some time in the afternoon when my mum went to check out the mailbox. it's hard to understand myself. it's easier to attempt to manipulate myself into the person i model at the back of my mind. read tom holt's falling sideways today. what say if everything's been placed there for you eons before you even came into this world? well i dunno, it seems like i have the option of changing the eventual fate, or at least little bits here and there. but i'm confused, as confused as ever before, if not more. i thought army life will give me a break from the pace of social life, to start life anew per se. when you spend six-sevenths of your time on an isolated island, having minimal contact with the opposite gender (no thanks to ninja coy, but they're gone now, good thing.) but i realise no, because suddenly the odds are heavily for that precious weekend, which is to some people just about all the time there is in a week. suddenly every little thing you do on mainland matters more than all the six 5bx sessions in that week combined. gosh. i cant bear the thought of it, an idle mind that intrinsicly destroys itself. i dunno what to do next, one voice telling me to reply and the other asking what the hell is there to write. there you go, i havent really changed much have i, besides having went a full circle. me still the simple me. my sc calls me bugs bunny. cartoons are simple little things, arent they?

Zhengyu wrote at 10:47 PM.