Wednesday, April 30, 2008

 

mm. havent blogged for a while, so i thought i should drop by and leave some records (so that i can come back and see what happened to me when i was still relatively young and naive, next time)

2 papers down, not the best of fights, and not in the condition to handle the next one, tho i have a bit of time. having said that i played web based tower defense games for 5 hours today. die le. jc got caught by some random fellow for tuition. interesting. wai kit is acting retarded in the lounge. probably the matter is stressing him too much, coupled with exams. it would be normal, even for him. i cant say i can help him, because i dun think he'd be happy to accept this kind of help. it's quite a tough decision but i'm for sending him there. it'll be good. after all, it's for these reasons that i wanted to try for overseas masters. to use that chance and see a different part of the world, to be closer to complete independence, to expand my understanding of the world and in particular what form can education take. i am a teacher and i'm still relatively sure that it's not a bad choice for myself. went for the briefing yesterday before my philo paper (with jiahui and jc, then meeting jianing and huiyuan there, and weining and wanjuan whom we didnt actually talk to, and en bin was there as well.) it was pretty much the standard template briefing, you could almost see the presentator's face saying "oh come on why cant you guys just read the handouts." anyway, it was a fairly uneventful albeit sort of fun outing, and because of the collection of events, and also my fruitless attempt to help yanru, i slept for a grand total of 1 hr for the 24hrs before my philo paper. i konked out, but it would not have mattered much.

what else is happening? we're still being very practical, i am being my professional tutor and do not engage with non-educational socialising activities outside of tutoring. afterall, that's only part of the job scope if i were a teacher. tutors are meant for subject specific matters, so after i'm done, i should just nus off. thank you very much.

i watched an episode of the anime jc lent me. it's pretty funny, and actually gets me thinking somewhat. but then again i'm usually thinking too much. i have moved some of my stuff home last weekend and i intend to continue the task this weekend, but the room is still pretty full. it's amazing how much junk i have in here. not quite looking forward to masters because i'm not so sure if i should go for it after all. there's money to be spent, and money not to be earned, and i'll be alone. well for this last concern it should be rejected since i told waikit the same thing, there's nothing wrong with not graduating together. after all, i did this semester almost on my own, barring a small handful of friends. we'll all be alone in this world some day. you have to learn that, and accept it, this could be the beginning of your experience, or you could put it off for the time being, but there's no way you can avoid it totally. things are also not as simple as it seems on the surface. i know the setting and i myself have been to the other side of the story, so i know. nothing is so simple as "i understand". we all understand, we are mature enough to, but how many of us can still put everything back the way it is and change only that one thing, your own perspective? how many people can continue the same behaviour and at the fundamental level still ignore the linkage that i used to do this for you because you were so special but now you're not but heck i'm going to do it for you because i dun want to think of the reason because there is no more reason so let's just nus-ing do it and get it over and done with. it doesnt work. at least, in a semi-sensible being like me, these things screw my circuits. they are not logical. how could i try to continue treating you with all that special care and then tell myself it's ok, just cut the circuit after the execution and everything will be fine. have you tried cutting that circuit? maybe without that circuit nothing would tick anymore, have you considered? maybe the circuit was there to control some form of damage to the system, and to ignore that linkage is now going to result in some seriously dangerous behaviour. are you prepared for it? i certainly am not.

Zhengyu wrote at 7:37 PM.