Monday, January 05, 2009

 

i went to watch mayday with miau poh and a number of her friends. it was a good concert except that i had to shout until i cannot project (after singing through a good number of songs in actual tenor range. i moved an octave down about 1/3 into the concert) and there was this amazing crowd that somehow didnt bother me very much, and that i was rather deaf throughout the concert, and at three points in time i thought my ear was hurting. I'm normally afraid of small crowds even, so the only thing i can conclude about yesterday's crowd is probably because although there were so many people, the attention were on the stage, and that no one is that crowd really cared about anyone else except those that you came with. in my case that was just four other persons would didnt notice my perculiar expression in the first 3 or 4 songs anyway.

on the way to the concert, or rather to the beginning of my waiting game that eventually lasted about 7.5 hours before we finally saw mayday on stage, i was waiting for 200 and thought of a line that i wanted to blog about. so i jotted it in my work diary. i basically have two diaries, one physical one for work, and this would be the other. and so i wrote, "是不是音乐带给我太多妄想了？是不是它把我们带过太多经验，让我们都不知觉中太早熟了？" and now, the continuation.

我正式认识音乐是从十三岁那年开始。我的第一位指挥老师，吴杰老师，经常跟我们说，要去寻找再带出歌曲中的 "Feeling" （他会用“飞灵”的读法）所以，我可能就经常为了让自己带出这个“Feeling"，随着歌词和曲调，唱出自己觉得能舒服和自然地表现它们的歌。十八岁那年，我唱了第一小段solo。那首歌的歌名是"And So It Goes"，而自己对那首歌的了解只是它是一位失去爱人的男士痛心的倾心。刚好那时隐约有同感，但不只不能说是爱人，其实论谈恋爱还差了一大载。但是那时就把自己能想象的悲痛注入那首歌里。就这样唱了好多遍，练了好多遍。心也随着这些练习，枯萎了好多遍。到了真正表演当天，我唱到泪流出来， 唱到胸口有一阵阵的紧痛着。

我平时唱或听歌时，也许会有一点太过投入。五月天的歌对我而言，是非常用心的歌。随着歌曲，很容易找到那种被表达的感觉。所以，可能我不知觉地以为我已经经过数百次悲欢离合。但事实上，我没有。这只不过是我自己想象出来的。也许谈恋爱跟我想象的其实差得很远。二十四岁的我，对世间种种感情，实际上可能只有稍微的了解。有好一些，我根本没经验过，只不过是自己凭空捏造出来的。唱的用心，会不会也只是一场无心的误会？

当我以为我了解眼前的世界时，可能我真的是搞错了。也许太天真，反而伤害到周围的人，反而迷惑了自己。

Zhengyu wrote at 8:14 AM.