Sunday, February 29, 2004

 

whoa. just read a little of this chinese blog. i think it's taiwanese. whoa. i think now i cant even write a short passage in chinese. it's been too long. maybe i'll start scribbling chinese in my diary. for some reason the explorer window jumped (by itself i think) into this page that i visit now and then. actually i only visit a few pages regularly, like 4. maybe 5. just kind of shocked that it just opened the page suddenly. didnt read thru the newest page again, it's a little disturbing to have too many things on your mind. i still have the welfare of 90 people in my hands. and i'm still forgetting things here and there. which is why i have a work journal. which i've never managed to maintain ever since i was young. but i'll try. bought this jigsaw (750 x 500) to hang in the office. it might be a little too big. i'll go take measurements tomorrow. so now i'm pushing all the other stuff on the wish list back by a month.

but there's just one thing on my wish list that i cant control.

Zhengyu wrote at 5:00 PM.

 

first let me recall today. signals games day. hang around lot 1 with kenneth. hang around mph citylink while waiting for juncai. hang around suntec with juncai. meet clarence. meet qiying.came home. played 14 rounds of solitaire showdown with my sis.

but none of that really bothers me.

this morning i found my journal. the one i started writing in j1. read through it. quite alot of frustrations in there. wonder what happened along the way. is it better now? added in an entry at night. feels different. but i guess still my most faithful listener.

met lta chan at refreshments. he told me he admired my optimism. huh? kenneth said some of my speeches were actually quite good. i'm surprised.

read some entries at night. mixed feelings. jc always pushes the weird stuff to me, nothing much to say. but ppl are not quite the same as they were. they're changing. it's normal. i'm suddenly quite alien. i guess i was supposed to expect something like that since i dun call up my friends or anything like that on any sort of regular basis. but. i'm still stunned. plus ppl trying to stay out of my view. it's interesting. why?

Zhengyu wrote at 1:31 AM.

Friday, February 27, 2004

 

again i am wondering why i'm home. there's this signals games day tomorrow at si. si! that's how near kranji. dunno why i came home to rush there early morning tomorrow. i dunno. for that matter i didnt feel like coming home just now. so why did i come back? went for my second last parade today. haoxian reflected that it's good that i go down for them. though i think it's sort of fun and he probably just thinks i'm there cos oc wanted me to. not today. i just felt like it.

man, i have no idea what i'm up against.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:31 PM.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

 

i'm home! on a thursday night! man, i dunno why i'm home.

hai. couldnt really get my mind down to things at the wargaming centre. it's like the mind just drifts off on its own... for that matter i havent been able to concentrate on any thing at all. whatever. let's just say i had some revision and fun planning comms. siting rebros. playing with nodes. although i did lose my temper on my last shift cos dys3 asked me for coordinating instructions but he's so not interested to hear the data. damn pissed. if you dun want to accept the correct channel of linking up then i guess i'll do it on my own. and the 3 x co and not to mention s2 s3 were so focused on fighting they "forgot" my main cp, left somewhere behind the front line, alone in the cold. hey if the s1 and s4 freezes to death i wun be responsible for it. some more no one will know where they died.

hm. wanted to leave with zhonghan and kenneth, in the end walked out of camp with kenneth, some more in front of the gate parted ways already. ... nothing to say. decided maybe i should try to be a loner instead. might be more successful. just like give up on this entire social thing.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:35 PM.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

 

mm. going to camp soon. actually that should have happened 15mins ago. but i havent ate my timeout ice cream (which i promised myself), and i feel like typing something here. anything. it's like there's something inside that's going to burst soon, but i dunno how to vent it. so i type. i feel kind of uncertain. it's like watching yourself do something stupid but somehow you cant stop yourself from doing it. now i'm hoping i can make this coming weekend a good one. sigh. then at least i can take it as a break in my marathon.

Zhengyu wrote at 8:20 PM.

 

have you ever ran a race alongside a stranger, the two of you just going on side by side? then when you finally start to gain ahead of him, you decide hey this guy's been with me for so long, let's wait for him, and so you slow down? and then while thinking about what a good sport you've been you suddenly realised he's like 10m ahead of you and he never ever waited for you since.

gradually i lost sight of his silhouette. i dun know if i finished the race.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:10 AM.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

 

hm kinda came home quite depressed. been thinking about how i've changed since sec 3, when ppl still thought i'm sort of a nice and approachable guy. sort of helpful, sort of really interested in my work. dunno leh, dun feel like that no more. anyhow i was quite lucky, after coming home i took dinner and then my parents took me out to pasar malam with my sis, so i didnt have that much time to brood over myself. and kenneth and i were taking turns to fall asleep at the wargaming centre so i didnt get that much time to bitch to him either. oh yah there was quite a lot of weird things at the pasar malam, we mainly bought food and a few things here and there, yum. some things can take you mind of everything else. and now all four members of my family are spherical in shape. darn.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:44 PM.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

 

argh. got to book in. made a new wallpaper for my phone during the morning session (shh... but anyway i made it before the lesson started so heh =P), it's got one of those thingies i think about when i was slightly younger. all the make over stuff. but when i sit down to look at it i just cannot imagine. what will happen to my family? it's all about me and me and me... argh. i guess things just cannot work out this way. just as it didnt in sec 3.

the evening was quite a waste of time... okay lah it's a learning experience but it's so damn boring.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:44 PM.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

 

hey! back from my camp finally... tomorrow is packed as sardine. hm sounds weird. anyhow it's damn packed i assure you. i just hope i get the luxury to decide whether to stay over in camp. had a interesting today, the life run, the road relay (no i didnt run for that thankfully) coming home for er noodles lunch (all that wax again... you should have seen the yellow layer on the water), getting my fortnightly haircut (sort of a routine already), going out with my sis and then following her to her aikido lesson (very interesting!), finally practicing at home and having sore wrists now. woo. it's valentines day. still the same conclusions. there's just some things that i myself wouldnt put on a weblog, cause it's too private, and so why should i be expecting that of others? weird right. hai. love can change a person so much, be such a big thing to the person, and then when you watch it from a distance you cant help but realise werent you doing the same sort of thing before...

i cant think of what i'd like to do tomorrow.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:17 PM.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

 

whoa. woke up okay after all =) went with jinzhi wei tak shujin and gerald to zhi's church... it was quite similar to a rock concert. really. anyhow though i'm not convinced by the religion i did pick up a few tips ("to insure promptness"??) on handling the sound systems. those guys looked professional. okay fine they do it a few times every weekend but still they were impressive. or is that the reason that they were impressive? whatever. i'm presently still drooling over the super large plasma tv with the 5 studio standard cameras, the wireless mics, (better still) the wired mics, the pretty damn zai mixers and i imagine all the equalisers and stuff, the 2x9 speakers (with the subwoofers that i never found), and the many many feedback monitors on the stage. whoa. dun mind holding a concert there. they are rich.

anyhow father just drove me to look for a neighbourhood police post in pasir ris... but it shifted some time ago. in the end we came home lor. quite dumb.

Zhengyu wrote at 7:24 PM.

 

my ears are red! i dunno what's going on... feel somewhat sick and very giddy thanks to a long taxi ride just now... but red ears?? hai. anyhow the last part of socc is finally over, there's only one more day of tests before moving off in our own ways. *sob* but i know, each time i say things like oh lets keep in contact, after a while i just get so caught up in my new work that i forget... sigh. i do know i'll be meeting my fellow oos every three months lol. let's hope kenneth is better at keeping these contacts =)

Zhengyu wrote at 1:30 AM.

Friday, February 06, 2004

 

sigh... i just dun feel loved. it's like ppl look to me with some expectations but i let them down. so sad. bish.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:41 PM.

 

i'm home! it's so rare that bernard had to congratulate me when i made the decision bish. anyhow tomorrow will be quite a rush. very interesting.

alvin leong reported sick today and got attn c. siao liao. the contingency has been laid out but it's quite scary. the guys think like it's alright like that though. bish. haha... see how it goes. had many many fault finding exercises today, exciting. i think 6 of them like that... then got some really kiam pah ones... wah lau especially the tsd one really damn disgraceful when we had to be told the answer. biang... nvm... actually wanted to be a node commander to have some men with me, but i guess oo sounds just as exciting. ops! and i have my buddy to suffer with me lol~ all coming this tuesday =P

Zhengyu wrote at 6:35 PM.

Monday, February 02, 2004

 

went out with jc and xl for lunch today, since she's leaving on like thursday and jc didnt tell me earlier. oh well. anyhow we found out sakae at toa payoh is either gone or we simply dunno where it is, then in the end wondered off to city hall there for food... one day must go ajisen with my sis lol, even mum says it's good. eating too much already. xl apparently has another 5 yrs to go, ends like half a year after the guys over here... still a long time, by then we'll be like 24 or something. stunning. dunno what all the doctors are thinking. anyhow jc brilliantly forgot to remind me to pay him the money for the facial wash he helped me buy, until after the meal then it was too late =( should have known he'd try that...

after xl left, me and jc went orchard for clothes, apparently cos ys told him about this discount thingy. yah it was really a whole lot cheaper but sadly there wasnt any polo tees (now have to wear to book in, sigh) and the pants are like smallest size 31. the shop really knows how to make ppl feel thin. at the entrance to heerens we met a whole lot of ppl... kangjie, huangyu, aik yong, my bmt platoon, then some of jc's friends, later we saw my present in-charge (with some girl heh heh) zhengyang while shopping at u2, ms chia somewhere in taka (with her mum, hard to catch her if you know how early she leaves school everyday) saw steven while going home too but too drained to talk to him liao, then i zao to the other end of the train oops. wah... havent seen so many ppl at one shot before... rarely anyway... come back only hit the pillow already.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:07 PM.

 

i must be damn bored. last night i tried to sleep at 10.30, ended sleeping around 11.30? and then woke up before 4. well done. so much for trying to get back into the cycle. now i'm confident that i'll sleep through my om course tomorrow. bish.

when can i start tuition?

Zhengyu wrote at 8:52 AM.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

 

had a craving for some good music just now, ended up going to hmv orchard and gramophone to search around... still cant find what i had in mind, then i was debating with jc over the phone about why the a cappella industry isnt developing over here. bish. anyhow tried out the "big mac" bernard recommended, then i also found out that unless you make a special order it's quite hard to manually remove the bottom patty cos of the cheese *directly* under it. next time must try with wei tak. hai. got a mail from shujin about tuesday... think i better shift my appointment, later really end at 2000 then i have nothing to say liao...

Zhengyu wrote at 10:21 PM.

 

imagine that one day you want to play basketball. but you dun have a basketball (or it's not accessible, yadda yadda), so you call your good friend, eh lend me ball can or not? so happily you arrange to meet up with him, borrowed the ball successfully. then when you actually use the ball then ppl start noticing, wah the ball not bad sia. then they say, eh, not bad taste leh, where you get from one ah. then you jiat lat already, what do you tell them?

just one of those things i imagined when the mind was idle. there's another one more real and more relevant one but i think it's a little disturbing to read so better not write it here. something about the kids' view on violence.

there's no one at the bball court downstairs... maybe it's time to shed some of that fat...

Zhengyu wrote at 2:10 PM.