Monday, May 28, 2007

 

i wanted to call a final meeting. it didnt work out the last time cos i had this girl screaming her frustrations at me instead over sms. and yah i didnt mean to, but it wouldnt make a difference then. so there was no final meeting. and now looking at it from hindsight, i ask: do we still need a final meeting? not much has been communicated in review, and my last agenda is still left stranded (one or two items of greater urgency had to jump the queue) so i guess we still need that meeting as much as before. but do we want to meet? we still dun want to meet, just as much as before, or maybe a little more. so what makes me think that the final meeting is possible? because impossible is nothing. okay stupid sidetrack. because it would be real bad not to have the committee hear about (and give me official disapproval) the last agenda. and the fact lies in the certainty that they will give a 3/5 disapproval. and i have to agree with them, even i want to vote for their side. but i cant. i thought about it over and over again. i wanted to take a smaller role, but that's merely transfering the responsibility to someone else in paper, i'm effectively just not answerable for my actions. and i dun want to be that kind of coward. i cant just not take a role because it has already been entrusted to me, so i have to do it no matter what. then no matter which point i argue from, i have so far circled back to the last agenda. again and again. there's just no other answer for me. similarly in the hall side, the more people that tell me they would consider because of me, the more i cannot abandon them. now i cant leave, as much as i would like to, and i really do not want to risk a mass withdrawal, it's the last thing we need. so here i am, stretched between two things that i never really wanted, but i am unwilling to let go and risk the consequences.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:02 AM.