Friday, November 30, 2007

 

interesting that there's this tag saying this blog's design is nice. it was taken from a blogger template. perhaps it's too old and no one else uses it anymore? or maybe the tag is just random.

feeling sort of out of place. hai. i suppose. personally, my door in hall is open by default. so i guess in my case, closing the door is a serious "DND". unless it's just one of those times that i forgot to jam the door open. but i dunno. even though i know it's probably me that thinks closed doors are a serious "DND", i still cant decide whether or not to knock on closed doors. or ajar doors.

it's a weird and dumb thing but i cant get around it. or maybe i think too much.

probably.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:38 PM.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

 

was trying to prepare a proposal... then decided to go to sleep. but before i do i want to ask a question. so that's why i'm still up.

anyway, but some chance i came across the 2 day old cors module info. i think the data is not finalised, some mods didnt even declare their lecture slots. but things are not looking good. already it seems like i will not get to take CM3251 and PC3251, and MA3233 is also out because of lab (again!) and i did not see CM4236 (but i just realised that it was offered this sem already. my bad.) and i dunno what else is there. if the things dun change much, next sem looks like a 3 core sem.

there was this one semester that i did CM, PC, MA, CZ and PH mods. it was a crazy sem. this next sem may end up with CM, PH, SP, and MA. but the CM itself will be enough to destroy me.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:55 PM.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

 

post dinner.

i should be reading clayden. selectively, just the retrosynthesis chapter. but i'm going to slack for a little bit more.

i havent made up my mind on quite a few issues. on whether i should attempt to go overseas for post-grad. on whether to delay PGDE to do my own post-grad (which means going to NIE without most of my batchmates. then again, we're losing a few this year who have decided not to do honours) about what to do in hall next year, or even whether i should stay in hall. i dun think i have been this indecisive for a while, but perhaps it's also because that the end of this phase is drawing close, and so many things need to be decided, or decided again. i also have additional considerations now. if before i could not leave my family behind, i cant find a reason why i should now instead. but on the other hand i have given up on sep, and i might not be able to get another chance for exposure to overseas education if i dun try for overseas post grad. that is if experiencing overseas education will help to see beyond the state of local education, or if that is important to me, even.

actually, the uni that i want to get into is probably too competitive anyway. with my current grades i might not even standa chance.

back to clayden. i ought to finish this chapter, since i didnt really study my notes.

Zhengyu wrote at 6:36 PM.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

 

spectro paper this morning.

i'm not quite in the mood to study now. just went through my resume, and unpleasant memories flashed by. i really do not think i will take up the post next year, assuming that i am offered the post again. i don't think i'll do it. there's alot of negative energy when i face this group of people, and many of them have done nothing to deserve that kind of attitude from me.

i think i put high hopes in the wrong group of people. it was particularly misleading when one of them is well-intent but failed to make any positive change, and eventually i realised, failed to make much positive effort even. still, if i am to be objective, i can only direct the blame to her circumstances, that she was overstretched to commit the kind of participation i was looking for. and then her last words will continue to hurt for a while.

i'm thankful i had meisi with me. although i'm not sure how's she doing now. she has been missing prac for a semester due to a clashing core module (sadly. she's one of about 4 reasons that i would go for prac.) not sure if i'll be seeing her at prac considering i dunno if i'll go myself.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:59 AM.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

 

knowing and doing something about it is quite different. and what's with all the anonymity.

not much being done in the room... a lot of heavy slacking. maybe the amount of work that needs to be done is simply overwhelming. if i choose to do them all. and i end up doing nothing at all.

committees still trying to function below this exam period calm.

over dinner, we more or less inducted kok pun into the c1 gang. looking for someone to fill wenjun's space in semester 2 though, since he'll be away. not too sure what else to look forward to in semester 2. dun even know if jiahui is still keen on choinging the nano minor. i have half a mind to talk to her again.

Zhengyu wrote at 7:21 PM.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

 

woke up with a fever yesterday morning, then realised that it's because of the vaccination from friday. but i still made my way to voco prac in the afternoon, although i was quite quiet throughout the practice. on the way back i decided that i'm not in the shape to wait for 183 or 200 so i just took a cab from clementi. the taxi uncle tried to chat with me but i think i was responding a bit too softly for him to want to continue chatting. when i went back i went to sleep almost directly, so i slept from 6 to 12.30, then got woken up by jiahui's phone call. after passing her the stuff i went back to sleep, i reckon 1.30 to 8.30am. and now i havent eaten for about 20 hours but somehow i'm not really hungry. screwy.

just received a resignation letter. i get a shock everytime i get this kind of thing. perhaps i'm too forgetful that different people have different standards and expectations, so i cant keep applying my own to everyone. maybe i'm being too self centered.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:11 AM.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

 

a brief moment to think.

how was today spent? in the morning after breakfast i was vetting thru crc minutes, then prepared an alumni comm mail and went to office to reaffirm some matters, then helped with a bit of chores on the office side, and then met jeremy and sharilynn with the freshly printed newsletter so discussed a bit of stuff with them. then went for my test. after that i was supposed to go meet jiahui at co-op but she went to science and i went to arts so well done. went back to my room feeling very giddy after the A1 ride, then finally went for dinner with juncai and waikit and ended off with a brief discussion on crc matters with huey shin and kane (before deciding that we dun have enough materials to discuss in depth) then went back to my room and tried to prepare the mail update for games fiesta sponsors. finally i'm done, taking a break to type this and reflect abit, going to shower later and then attempt a 3292 paper.

actually i started writing this post to talk about the things i do. because i decided that it might be a bit awkward to put it on my door so i might as well type them here first as a trial. i'm sort of an exhibitionist in that sense.

i am supposed to become a teacher, about 3 years from now, maybe longer. teaching chemistry, or maybe mathematics, depending on my luck.

i'm already a vocal musician, baritone in voice range but never performed as baritone in my 10 years of singing. in fact i even once performed as tenor 1 with the alumni group, but that was for free. so i've only ever been paid as a bass. i also attempt fruitlessly to do arrangements, play the keyboard, harmonica, guitar, and i might pick up violin, if my sister does decide to learn.

i'm also a av technician. i've been in the line since 8 years ago, and i'm pretty fluent with analogue systems for lights and sound, as well as video filming and editing. but since i left the active service, many things have turned digital, so the only things i'm up to date with are those that i continue to explore in my spare time, which means not very much. i did however become a gadget collector, which explains why i own a video camera, and have hoarded the family's second digital still camera for an indefinite period.

i'm also trained pretty well as a clerk, to do paper works. it probably started in army when i was doing staffwork, and then moved on to a slightly different sort when i worked in pathlight. when i'm in hall i also get to do abit of paperwork here and there, the most extreme so far being crc (pure paperwork, but of course there's another committee of that level - branding comm) In army and hall i also chanced upon occasional opportunities to organise things, packaged together with coordination with various people, and leading various groups of ppl towards whatever relevant goals.

perhaps that was why i was pushed to try for new posts, like jcrc. because i got too comfortable doing the things i like to do. but i must say that i'm not suited for the post well, so it might be for the better that i did not get it, which is why i'm now in crc, both parts of voices, alumni comm, yep, pub comm marketing, float and also am an auditor. kane did jokingly suggest that i take up branding after he leaves for sep. hmhm. i also sense rocke arrows from the dark.

and now on to shower. i reckon i shouldnt put these things up on my door. too lengthy. but maybe i should warn the hall activity leaders about my standards when i did duty as DO. i was the nightmare of all the clerks in the unit. i probably will make auditing a very scary experience. the hall has no idea what they are in store for man...

Zhengyu wrote at 7:39 PM.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

 

the big tests date is over... there's still one more test on tuesday, but i guess with three days to prepare for one test, i really ought to take time out for the things i havent been taking care of. sort of irresponsible huh. come to think of it i really didnt like it when people did that to me.

hm. time for self reflection.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:04 AM.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

 

i desperately need to study for tomorrow's tests, but i have no mood again.

it's like, i dun really know what i want. am i just playing along to what comes, or do i really have something in mind that i want to realise within my short time here? am i just being emotional? i rarely feel that following your heart is the most correct thing, but neither can i say that i havent been doing much of that.

maybe there's a reason why i'm almost always okay with everything. maybe i just dun have a stand myself.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:58 PM.

Monday, November 05, 2007

 

i've decided that the root of the communication problem does not lie with me. my dear comm member misinterprets just about anybody's words.

okay maybe the chim-ness and abstract-ness of some of the stuff i said was just too much for her. topics like restructuring are not meant for the faint hearted.

Zhengyu wrote at 8:19 AM.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

 

went out late last night with mei to holland village essential brew. =) she has been on attachment for some time now, and it's ending by the end of this month. i forgot that i met her somewhere in september when we went to MOF @ My Izakaya in Marina Square =X

anyway, we ordered some drinks, dessert and the grilled tofu (the interesting mushroom thingy, she calls it) it's my first time there and i guess i must say the atmosphere was really quite nice. anyway, supposedly i thought we should leave by around 11+, but somehow we just went on chatting till the shop was closing around 2am. and so we had to cab back haha. mei thought that the waitress looked very familiar to her so in the end we got her to take a photo of us and mei got the chance to ask her if she was from pj. apprarently she wasnt. so i guess we still dun know why she looks familiar then =)

Zhengyu wrote at 12:15 PM.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

 

supposed to be sleeping, but still abit too full for that.

returned from supper at west coast macs just now, after finishing a very long and gruesome crc meeting. it is the biggest makeover to the old constitution thus far. thanks very much to the whole comm for the patience, thought and effort, and special mention to terence for providing the post-meeting wheels and kane for helping to solve my desktop excel problem. and viknesk for doing the most gruesome minutes to date.

chatted a bit with meisi and jiahui online. looks like i might be going to sci library tomorrow in a valiant attempt to study. let's hope it works out. my heart is somewhere at home already. sigh. it seems that the further i go, the more i have no motivation to study. or maybe that's normal. i probably need a good wake up call and reminder why a good looking degree is important to a civil servant-to-be like me.

okay. ought to go to sleep. shall try hard to work hard tmr.

Zhengyu wrote at 4:02 AM.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

 

"forgive and forget"

some times we preach certain things to ourselves that we know we ought to follow. okay "know" is a strong word. we feel, that somehow, it's something we should probably follow, and following it is slightly better than whatever we are doing now.

but sometimes somethings are not easy to forget. let alone forgive.

up to this date, i cannot let go of the events from last year. Even if I am thoroughly convinced that the people did not have malicious intent. I just cannot start anew my relations with these people.

Sometimes I wish I didnt put in so much effort. Maybe then I wouldnt be feeling the frustration and hatred so strongly. And for the other people, those not responsible, I feel a sense of responsibility to not let them receive collateral damage, but I dun think I'm doing a fantastic job. They definitely can feel the negative aura.

Perhaps I should extract myself from this scene completely and let the rest move on.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:36 AM.