Sunday, December 30, 2007

 

just arrived in hall, sent batch 1 of 2 of laundry to the wash. now chatting abit on msn, then maybe can type out some stuff while waiting for the laundry.

the trip to penang and KL was my first official vacation, and first official visit to malaysia (barring very short term visits to friends' homes) i think it was a good thing for me to go out and see things, and learn that singapore is not the only way of life in this world. sometimes i think that knowing thw world only from my own perspective is terribly myopic (at other times i guess i just didnt care) i guess i saw a little more on this trip, so that's a good start.

trixie and waikit were very nice hosts, and staying at waikit's place also gave a bit more understanding to waikit's background (but i suspect he's considered the better off than the average malaysian kind) the food was great, the scenery were great too (where we had the luck to see them that is) shopping was well not superb cos we ran out of money, but still pretty good. i also brought back a few things for some friends and for fam.

tired... wanna clean up the room a bit too, like a bit dusty liao.

Zhengyu wrote at 5:21 PM.

Monday, December 24, 2007

 

the past few blogs were mostly about hall life and school life. i'm starting to wonder if that is all there is to me.

went to orchard to shop for presents yesterday, but still missing one... will probably go out to get it later. it was raining quite heavily so shuhui didnt join me in the end. jc did however come out later on, then we went over to watch rv carol. unfortunately we arrived late and they started early. so we missed the whole damn thing. but we did get to sit down and chat with ms chiang for a while. she treated me to a strawberry donut (yay) and also gave us a ride to the circle area. had a craving for long john silvers so i dragged jc to shaw towers after that haha, and reached hall rather late. sorted out some remaining details with shuhui and laiyi and then went to sleep at like 4am. surprisingly my sleep cycle jumped backwards totally.

got to work out some way to send zhiwei the photos before i mia... dual platform blues. working through the photos, i wondered if ppl are more interested to see their link to the hall, or to see things that are important to the hall (which would mean less group photos in a sense) and i forgot to send the notepad file from wei fuen's computer... crap... jackie did treat me to another phong piah and a diary for next year tho =D

Zhengyu wrote at 10:30 AM.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

 

we are very fortunate to have our current hall master. after reading a bit of my text, i realised some similarity between him and the "ideal ruler". master really acts out the non-intervention thing and lets us have free play, just as long as we do not break rules and bend corners. and he is very encouraging. he'll always say well done and good work for the smallest thing, even though there are bigger things undone, but the way he puts it across makes you feel guilty and want to finish off those things overdue. or maybe it doesnt work on everyone. sadly as a master and vice dean, he is very busy, and occasionally you can see the weariness in his eyes (i am so sorry i had to make an appointment with him at 9am on a public holiday...) hope he really gets to enjoy his vacation with his family.

on another note, it was heartening to hear from shu hui about her personal experience in hall. in a way it was similar to mine. i came in with an attitude to punk around and do only what i liked to do, which would basically be studying and whatever activity that i fancied. so i joined choir, and a cappella groups, at that time still two distinct group under a common umbrella (this changed over the next two years, fyi) and i signed up for audio visual crew, but didnt get in, i believe partially because i did not declare the 6 years of AV experience. but it wasnt a loss since there were other competent ppl taking the job, or perhaps even with my declaration they would still have outshore me. and besides, because of the lack of activity, i studied well in my first sem, and had time to join xqrj sub comm. from then on, things took a different turn. concurrently, i dropped nus taiji subclub for resonance. i start to take up weird positions in hall, not always successful, but i think still decent attempts and no major failures as yet (akan datang, this one.) and now we are at the heart of the hall, close to where it pulses. this journey has taken me through alot of things, not always new, not always pleasant. but always a learning journey of discovery nonetheless. i forgot to mention an important turning point was when i successfully gotten my second year stay. when zongbo and terence made an impact on me, and i tried to give back what i could. but some times, the more you give, the more you realise that you have to offer, and the more you see places where you want to help. even small things like a new idea can sometimes materialise to something significant. and right now, my cca record is looking quite pretty, but that's not important since no one will look at it. the memories i have of this hall is vibrant and sentimental, and these i will take with me when i go. whether or not i leave a footprint in this hall, that would be an additional bonus.

i hope that there will not come a day that this hall will change beyond my recognition. just yesterday, during a short chat with craig, we mentioned that the hall is changing, perhaps for the better. but well i guess we have to embrace changes and try to make them positive ones, since nothing much is constant. but at least, let me identify with the core values at the heart of our hall.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:12 AM.

 

at home.

i didnt really expect to be home. in fact i almost scheduled a meeting with tze khee tonight, then i remembered that i am free tmr morning (barring the meeting with master in the morning) and i'm out tonight. so i came home. sis says she will drive me out to macdonalds breakfast early tmr and then too school before she goes to work. yay.

i'm overloading some more stuff. i dunno whether i really care so much for hall, or is it more of care about my friends who are struggling, or whatever else it could be. like care about reaching what is expected of me (but the dao book says i should heck these things)

btw i was at tuktuk (thai cuisine) suntec with OC, kenneth, craig, yew wai and tze kiat. good meal and a good chat. things sound like they are going great for OC, which is really quite good to hear. the others are also doing quite fine. Craig has become some sort of SME for swimming and is hopping around halls. he's in TH now tho. we went for haagen daaz ice cream and i forgot to take a group photo. ahbish.

oc gave some advice to us (and some from tze kiat too), basically along the lines of being clear about our priorities and other finer things in life. hope we can keep these things in mind =)

Zhengyu wrote at 1:32 AM.

Monday, December 17, 2007

 

huh... it's already sunday. time flies. and before long... that's it. then i dunno what to do anymore.

and the next two days will be packed with carolling. well, not exactly packed. just that there will be carolling. and that will take up time. i dunno if i can get much done with the remaining time.

sometimes i dunno if i did the right thing.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:09 AM.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

 

i'm supposed to go home. there's one or two things that i wanted to pass to my fam but i havent gotten down to going home.

i dunno when i want to go home. perhaps tmr or tuesday might be a good idea. perhaps not. it doesnt really make a difference whether i am here in hall or not, but still there is carolling practice to tend to. and i need to speak to master, urgently. and more carolling. perhaps i can go home after dinner with the 4sab ppl, then come back next morning. or perhaps by then there is no reason to come back early.

yifeng said he might be taking it. i should just let him go for it, after all there is no point training up a year 4.

i want to go to ps to look for dork towers. i think it'll be fun. if i can find it.

cant get yen-ling and laiyi still... they operate at a different biocycle from me.

i have no mood to work. no mood at all. master is not in hall. his family car is not in the carpark and he didnt reply to my sms from last night. maybe he's too busy.

does it actually matter at all.

i dun feel like going home. i dun feel like playing on the ps. i dun know what else i will want to do at home except pass the presents to my family and sharing the logcake. tmd.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:00 PM.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

 

i dunno whether i am reading too much into things. i frequently do. i'll try to make myself scarce when i get this kind of feeling.

laiyi and yen-ling are both not back yet, and master didnt reply my sms. cant get anything done without their help. no clearance, no discussion. nothing. tmr's meeting is going to flop again.

maybe i need to sit down and look at the way i approach things. something is probably damn wrong with me but i just dun see it. i cant. and i fear it will happen again for float. i think, it would be best for me not to appear there. or anywhere. maybe i have done something so wrong that i dun deserve a second chance. but i havent seen what is wrong yet. and so i'll have to live with this unknown until i come to understand it.

pathetic.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:13 PM.

Friday, December 14, 2007

 

let me take a moment to vent whatever i have on my mind while it is still (relatively) fresh and before i hit the papers for what is due tomorrow (damn it!)

trip to cambodia was a tremendous learning experience and also some self-discovery. i realise i have lost most of my ability to stay awake. it might also be because of the suddenly hectic schedule just before departure, lack of sleep before hand, and refusal to sleep on the plane most of the time (although that is only 4 hours. but the police advertisements say we should avoid sleeping while travelling. i'm a good civil servant.)

trixie was amazing to watch. she somehow managed to stay alert and perceptive to many things, when half the time i was half dead. like the first day i had to go sleep in the afternoon cos my brain practically stopped ticking. but she didnt sleep until night time and she was not like sleepy or anything. altho she did wake up a bit later the next day. ah well. and she was taking most of the initiatives to get the work done, so yup i was almost there purely to accompany her and not that much input came from me. =( so damn useless. i owe her a report due tomorrow though, and i screwed up her meeting schedule by accepting the reso gig last minute. ie i cant be there at the meeting, and anyway it clashes with my choir pracs too (which have recently upgraded to 3-4 hour affairs)

jason and reuben and andrew were very pleasant company. toffee too, although he never actually came close to me. but overall i admire the amount of energy and compassion that they have to keep themselves going in a place like that.

the visit to ang kor wat (and the other few temples that we had time for, under the guidance of our tour guide mab and the tut tut driver whose name i never found out) was fantastic. i'm glad trixie sort of insisted that we make time for that, cos it's something i would probably have never known otherwise. we took quite a number of photographs and my camera is like damn screwy cos it kills the batteries damn fast.

sleep already ah... my clothes are still in the washing, due in another 1 hour's time i think. i should work on that report soon.

i also met ian, a 16 year old boy who had a brief chat with me. after he left and upon some reflection, i realised how little difference there was between him and me, even though there is a 7 year age gap. he has matured alot for his age. i cant help wonder what can the secondary 3 students do if they actually go there like andrew said they intent to.

i cant remember who else i have met... but perhaps tomorrow i might recall some and add them to this list. in the meanwhile i will account for my return, followed by reso practice (i sort of didnt stay in hall except to change and pack my stuff) and i just remember to change my spectacles back to the usual civilian set. anyway yah reso prac, then dinner at clementi, and i came back bua long long only to realise i was late for choir prac by 45 minutes (damn disgusting) and then quickly picked up the stuff from my room for prac. and now i am back... when it's like 11.30am, when i need to ask around for a red shirt for tmr's performance. finally got one from yifeng and i cant be bothered with everything else nor whether the shirt is really red or not.

i bought some stuff from the duty free shop in cambodia airport... i still havent give them out yet. hopefully tmr can ba... i hope.

oh yah... there's still kelvin tan and the other two teachers from hci (sorry i cant remember their names), my room mates guoqi, gavin, jeremy and jiawei, our adventures with ants and the dead insects, carrom after lights out using torch lights, chats with the teachers about the whole project and what to look out for (thank goodness they were there) incidentally it seems that reuben was once the literature teacher for charlotte's class. i should ask her about it.

that's it. i should sign off now and get down to business. sweet dreams!

Zhengyu wrote at 1:10 AM.

Monday, December 10, 2007

 

2350. i reckon i wun be sleeping much later.

i dun feel like sleeping. i dunno what i'm feeling. maybe i do. maybe i just dun want to come out and acknowledge what it means.

i realise i can develop specific distaste for working with certain people.

and in the midst of this madness i cannot remember what i wanted to ask jiahui.

i need jc to preach buddhism. now.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:50 PM.

 

in a few hours time, the applications will close. that means i would have been registered in the moe database. (i'm saying it almost like i am not already in)

anyway that was a random thought. just happened to see lynette's mail and remembered her like 3 or 4 sms reminders to submit the application.

a side note. what, if i had the liberty to choose and the authority to ignore all considerations of practicality, would i look for in a member in an a cappella group? (this is a random question, with inspiration drawn from i cannot remember where. might have been the conversation with ET on the bus to HCV)

-keen interest and passion in vocal music
-sociable and easy to get along with
-good listening skills
-willing to experiment
-able to perform confidently before an audience
-witty, humorous
-sporting and spontaneous on stage
-patient, willing to drill for long hours with discipline
-fun loving on and off stage
-appreciable music background preferred

that should be about it... now to ponder: why did i even attempt to answer that question?

Zhengyu wrote at 3:55 AM.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

 

hungry. waiting for supper with wailun and ET. ET just said it'll be at 1am. OMG. and the weather is cold. i dun wanna come back from supper at 2am and freeze in the shower =|

ai... cleared things up liao. thanks for bringing up the matter cos i wouldnt have gotten down to it anytime soon. but eeee immediately got work stuff to settle liao. so sad.

my bag is half packed cos some of the clothes havent dry yet (partially due to the humid weather and the fact that the room was sealed for most of today) jiat lat. i hope things go well there. i havent looked into changing the proposal yet tho... probably trixie will want to update it with the latest changes. i'm so slack... and i just realised that i might need to end prac early tmr. not good.

wailun is still in sch at this hour because his laptop adaptor is dead. o_0 he said he'll see if he can catch the last bus back.

hungry hungry. mum's fried rice was good but too early. hai. tmr shall be a brighter and more productive day.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:58 PM.

Friday, December 07, 2007

 

hmm...

supposed to be doing work but there's other things on my mind.

hais.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:52 PM.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

 

finally done with exams.

last evening i was studying in the library with jason, then met up with jc after his 2.5hr paper for dinner. somehow i didnt want to go back to hall for dinner (it was 7.40 and raining, anyway) and so we ended up in munchies. nice a pleasant pre-celebration dinner. today turned out okay for both of us except that i felt like puking since last night. sheesh. but we can finally call this sem an end, and jc went to meet jasper for dinner over qiu lian haha.

i'm supposed to be reading documents before 5.30pm, but i'm slacking. wanted to leave a note to myself. communicating with people can be hard. there are nuances that i've learnt, which are subtle and people might not even understand them to begin with. so in communicating, perhaps i really need to remember to keep it clear and simple. (and then ppl like hafiz will start to suspect that i'm playing political games. for what the world's worth.)

yesterday in the library, i decided that i should try to work towards that little goal first, even if i eventually opt out. at least it'll be such a waste iff i got the chance.

Zhengyu wrote at 4:10 PM.

Monday, December 03, 2007

 

the closer to the end of exams, the more i blog.

it's unintentional.

anyway... thinking about the things i missed out because of other things that i wanted to keep. like not taking the s-paper in favour of spending more time on (censored) (a decision i regretted). at the same time deciding not to go overseas so that i do not leave the comfort of singapore and my family. deciding not to go for sep because i wanted to stay around in hall. i have one decision on hand now and i dunno if it's my last chance. at this moment in time i would like to test the unknown... dr fan might not be too happy about that though. i havent told my family either. but either way, it's a year from now at least.

i still havent really come to terms with kenneth's plan to stay in uni for 12 years. it's a pretty darn long time. but i guess his interest in the field probably explains why he doesnt want to end up just washing test tubes and not doing something really significant. and he's got the standards to do it (like ppl like kezheng, thong kai, etc) crazy ppl with crazy standards. but i hope i can be there to watch him graduate with his PhD. damn cool lah.

and i thought my standards were high. (a few posts back, i believe.)

Zhengyu wrote at 5:15 PM.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

 

hm... i'm bored enough to do random google searches. waiting for my hair to dry at home... i came home to grab a couple of documents, as well as to use that as an excuse to vent a bit on the ps. the venting session was entirely unsatisfactory. i sort of couldnt vent enough because my skill on a real time action game was too lousy and so i end up dying instead.

i read through some of my past documents. apparently i have been doing things that i no longer do these days. unfortunately those, in my opinion at least, were good things worth doing. so what do i do these days then? i dunno. maybe if i have never came to hall i might still be like that. but as things are i'm glad i came to hall. so i probably should try and find out what went missing in between 3 years ago and now. maybe i'll find the old me back.

come to think of it i was never this vocal back then. maybe all that limelight made me forget what's more innate inside.

back away, back away. but not before i finish my commitments...

btw it sounds like a double birthday celebration tonight. cheers =)

Zhengyu wrote at 12:23 AM.