Wednesday, February 27, 2008

 

our asian instinct or upbringing tells us that we need to respect authority. We say, the leader is to be credited or blamed based on the team's performance, that each of the member are treated equally as the leader's subjects. They say, credit or blame the member as an individual, credit or blame the leader based on his leadership.

it's not much difference, but i see thru this exercise that i have perhaps more respect for authority than i can justify.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:41 PM.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

 

12.22pm on my desktop clock. just finished organising my inputs for mab... i hope things go well. we have not been fantastic in output.

it seems that insofar i have played mainly one kind of role in hall, be it administratively or socially. the kind that is left empty or lacks decent candidates. the kind that should appear in times of need, and then go away quietly afterwards. it's quite funny. i should start charging for my mediocre services.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:22 PM.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

 

it is perhaps unfair to announce a decision but not seek other's opinions nor allow them to change it somewhat. it is almost like giving false hope, altho not directly.

Zhengyu wrote at 4:25 PM.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

 

i've started the policy of deleting anonymous comments, and/especially when they are meaningless.

just talked to jene on msn. maybe i wun get to see her very much. i think i should get a sink.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:33 AM.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

 

the official statement was issued. i could not say i agree with it, but i cannot justify my biasness either. let us just respect the statement. in any case, i'm waiting for those three things to be complete. if by the time it does not materialise, then it wun be so tough to make the decision too.

somehow the news is already spreading.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:59 PM.

 

haha. incidentally i think i havent cleaned up my room for at least three weeks. that sort of explains the state you saw it in =P

Zhengyu wrote at 1:55 PM.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

 

i told shu hui about the decision yesterday. there's much arrangements to be settled, and personally i am poor at handing over and passing down knowledge. and lazy at that as well. i hope i do not accumulate more responsibilities to be handed out again over the next few months.

this is probably selfish but i cant see myself staying sane with things as they are.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:27 AM.

Friday, February 15, 2008

 

waiting for jc's return from volleyball. unless of course he has already came and went off again. the hall is still quite poor on technical expertise. the ava crew generally couldnt be certain that their speaker is damaged even though it's malfunctioning right before their eyes and indeed all the connection tests suggest that something inside has gone wrong. yet they still cant believe their own checks, it's weird.

i cant dare to imagine what happens afterwards. they will probably pick up real fast, and maybe hate me for a while. but they will learn. i hope. and i dunno who would pick up after this other post but that one is difficult to teach. i learnt the little bit i know on the job, but i was innately not a real performer so it's hard, so it should be easier for most other ppl, minus the musical sense. alumni will be handover over through a set of written guidelines. marketing can be handover to hallmark. but the musical side is gone. i havent even taught the remaining bits, although they arent much.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:24 PM.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

 

Thursday afternoon. would have been a relatively free day if i didnt have presentations to attend at 2pm. boring. just retrieved the mail from dbs (rejection) they spelt my surname wrong.

nothing much to say. it's really a plain day where i have nothing to add. ok i met terence when i came back to hall after lunch. i had lunch with juncai. short meeting with master when he appeared out of nowhere. how exciting. supposed to do marketing but now planning to go for presentations. maybe i should catch a nap to add on to the 2 hours of sleep. i read some bits of my maths textbook and i surprisingly think i understand. terence commented that i have not died before (which technically is true) i'm now 80% out of hall.

seems like even if i did stay, it's for the wrong reasons.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:38 PM.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

 

ai. bored. mei coming down tmr. ellen busy somewhere in hall but anyways it seems like my presence is not necessary so yay. m&a committee will not be needing me, so yay again.

head heavy. tmr got presentation. no mood. chinese new year is coming. many things catching up on me. choking the chain for a handful of things. this is not working. go if there is no more reason to stay. but what if you are part of the reason that other ppl are staying for?

Zhengyu wrote at 12:58 AM.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

 

long supper, many things to say. i hope everyone is alright. tze khee looks tired, mei sounds somewhat frustrated (think i have found the right word yet), hallmates losing faith. i worry for ellen, wondering how is she now. everyone seems to have a share of pain to carry with them, something they cant break out of, and just have to hold on to, and like they say, suck thumb.

i think no one is in the mood to ask me to stay on.

Zhengyu wrote at 4:07 AM.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

 

re: conversation with et and ms lim yesterday

i cant let go too. meisi's nick suggests that it might be the perfectionist's nature. that everything is packaged as a whole and there's no separation of parallel relationships. i cant, for example, screw someone about their work over email, and then casually joke with them in person. doesnt work. perhaps it's a mental insufficiency.

bottom line. if you piss me off, you've pissed me off completely in every single way.

Zhengyu wrote at 11:30 AM.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

 

if things go well, tmr will see the start of a new period.

anyway, forfeited hallplay to attend a meeting. waikit will probably be disappointed. i chanced upon free tickets to asia beatbox championship but yah that is even more out of the question since the 3 things totally clashed. probably going down to look at the auction later. i think i am sort of glad i went to the meeting, in a way i was sort of some help (or assurance. whichever). so far there's no one else yet trained up in the field that i am in (partially barring ppl like edmund). that keeps me employed, although it's for free.

totally knocked out after practice just now when i tried to read thru my notes while waiting for the girls to finish up. bioclock still screwy. let's try to chiong tonight. hcv-reso-alumni-4224. (i bet i wun get past the second item before Unconsciousness claims my soul)

Zhengyu wrote at 11:01 PM.

Friday, February 01, 2008

 

i was briefly reminded of how i was as a freshman in ke. i wanted to try new things, to set time aside for defining myself again. i offered some help to ke as av crew but they rejected me (i still think it was because i didnt include my relevant experience. but at least because of that i have crafted a rather different route) i joined ke voices to maintain my instrument. later on i joined xqrj because there were a number of friends inside.

that was the beginning where everything spun out of control. through xq i joined reso and float. then block comm. then float again. then i ran for jcrc (which failed) and i ended up in publications marketing, alumni, constitution review, auditing, yep, and now perhaps merit awards board.

i still havent had the chance to play a sport. once in a while i tell myself to go exercise, but it rarely goes through. once in a while i look at the stuff i'm going through and wonder what is the reason behind these. gratitude? perhaps, but perhaps i have also paid back enough in kind. friendship? wilfred just eliminated that for me. so what is there left?

i am very tempted to go back to my own life. oh. waikit just msged me. looks like i'm in mab after all.

just imagine. a year with only music, studies, real friends, and for once, with my family.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:47 PM.