Wednesday, December 31, 2008

 

sleepy.

it came across my mind that i should consider sleeping more regularly, in particular going to bed at 12mn might be a good idea. although we know that social life in hall begins after 12. anyway.

went to watch the choir concert just now. it was actually more than damn good, and i wouldnt know how to describe it. the only real issue that i could complain about was their pronouniciation of asian lyrics and the uncertainty about asian culture. but everything else was good. that's a choir i dun regret paying to watch, but i must regret falling asleep for a good portion of the first half. omg. and i learnt alot from watching the conductor. his style is easier for me to copy from, but having said that he has reached the stage where he does only what is important. he knows his choir well and he knows exactly at which points he should make a motion to push them in a certain way. damn power. sadly there's no way we can learn how he conducts his practices from just watching him in concert. he's damn power. and the singers seem to mostly know what they are doing. let's just say that i feel one of their chinese piece has much more chinese flavour than any other i have heard in singapore.

power.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:22 AM.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

 

my friend said she lost focus on her studies. i think maybe i've lost more than that. i havent been able to sit down to get one bit of reading. let me first recap today's journey, totally non sequitur to my proper work.

woke up in the morning and went out with miau poh to get the mayday concert tickets. that took 3 hours *sweat* fortunately she had a gang of 3 friends there too so they kept things lively under the blazing sun and umbrella shade. then went to midpoint orchard to stock up on playthings for tmr's gathering. that took damn long too, cos i combed through the shop twice before narrowing down to two items. to the munchkin fans: yes we have one more expansion now. muahahaha. then when i was waiting at the bus stop for the bus back, i met miau poh again so decided to bring her to look for the stuff in marina square. then dinner. then came back. was tired on the bus but somehow i'm not tired now. i'm sweating tho, it's rather warm today. watched two episodes of gintama. absolutely nothing productive done, except that during the first hour of queueing in the morning i did try to read through a paper on Ti compounds. the key word is try.

it just occurred to me that one of the reasons i moved from diary to blog was because i could type much faster than i write and capture the random thoughts as they come. then on the flipside, writing down on paper would have made me rethink and rephrase myself much better before it hits the paper in blue. black is too cold a colour for diaries, in my opinion.

sigh. i cant focus. not on hall work, not on studies ie project, not even on my own personal issues. this is totally not good.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:46 PM.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

 

christmas is over. it's really over. the well wishes, the carollings. the failed attempts to remember lyrics and expressions. the days when i have a semi-valid reason not to go to the lab.

it might be my final year carolling, i cant say. after 12 years of carolling, it's still a very good feeling. some times not so warm, some times not so in tune. from descant to sop to tenor to bass to conductor, it has been a very long journey. and the old folks home and hospital visits with ke choir were heartwarming (much thanks to shu en's initiatives. at this point i would recall the lady that cried when we sung to her) new friends, juniors and seniors, and even distantly related people, all seem to be that extra bit more friendly and approachable at this time of the year. this season also has a good number of meet-ups with old friends, classes, etc etc.

insert random comment: he has not yet opened my mail. i suppose we are already way past the dateline for the final document so i'm wondering what has happened to the committee. maybe they have completed their task. maybe they are still in progress. maybe they gave up. i only hope the hall will not be brought down by the hands of some random people.

i think i missed my s/u declaration. darn.

tired. incoherent. sign off.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:30 AM.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

 

it worries me when i seem to behave like a machine. it really does. rather a disturbing business. like the urge to decode things that look decodable.

Zhengyu wrote at 8:01 AM.

 

1am post. i havent showered. came back from the cornerstone gig and rather not in the mood to do anything. maybe i have something on my mind but i don't know what it is. things are unsettled. right now the real things i can confirm is that i have 2 practices tmr and i want to attend a gig after that, and the rest are not so certain things. i want to thank the group from today for pulling through together and doing a decent job, and i want to remind bx of dill's birthday. i forgot to remind him earlier. sigh. and xmas is coming and so is new year and i dunno what plans i have. attend reso gathering? i somehow put my name down mindlessly and partially because of that i turned down the e7 outing which clashed. good thing cos that leaves a good number of ppl going for them. go queue for mayday concert tickets? i have already agreed so i ought to go...

sigh. i have this feeling i ought to do something for christmas. a little something. i dun really know.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:00 AM.

Friday, December 19, 2008

 

it's 2am, and i'm essentially just waiting for the clothes to be done washing so i can collect them and hang them up. tmr i will need the clothes, that's why. and i have to iron them tmr before i leave for practice. actually i dunno if i should be there at practice but i assume yes since i might be of some help, although it might not amount to much. in any case i need to open the door unless hanyang is around. speaking of that, i have this uncanny feeling that i will be woken up tmr morning by someone who wants to use the room. if not, i am technically free until 1pm. in this period i'm really not bothered about lab le... i dun have energy to go, or even just to plan for what to do next in lab. i dun even know why i am crazy enough to stay up at this hour just for clothes.

actually there is one more entry from like two days ago, but i havent posted it up yet. maybe i should backlog it haha.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:52 AM.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

 

Thoughts.

On the way to pasir ris: If there was one role that i could fit in the final fantasy world, it would probably be of the nature of the black mage. Someone who can pull of magic tricks, but willing to experiment with limits. Maybe it’s because he cares, or maybe it’s because he can’t care less anymore. I wouldnt be a white mage although i would really like to heal people. For one that is willing to risk so much, we are not fit to be healers. There would be too much at risk. I can make things happen without you knowing how, or why, so long as i believe they should be done. I have a history of doing so. People sometimes don’t figure out how it’s done. Maybe because there are certain things that they would never have considered doing. So it’s that simple.

Dabaoing dinner for dad: it’s been along time since i ate at home, much less dabao dinner for family/ anyway the auntie at the ban mian stall joked that i got a good deal exchange one note for like 6 notes. Ah well. But i thought, 人是可愛的. I believe so,. There’s no reason to turn to the dark side entirely because humanity still holds hope, no matter how many weird people have let you down. Always look the the positive side, because the other side just isnt worth your time. We have exactly one life time to do what we need to do, let’s not waste it because of the small unhappiness once in a while.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:24 PM.

Friday, December 12, 2008

 

day after end of chlamp. return to lab. spent 9.30-11.05am handling resonance stuff on my mac while sitting at the lab common table. after which i got very tired and i wanted to die on the spot. then i remembered that the 6hrs of sleep from last night wasnt quite enough because the previous two nights were at 4hrs each. think wgx. then i came back at 3+ to meet jiahui, and just waited for the christmas dinner. somehow i started playing the new mayday album, and realised that i have yet to gone thru the lyrics for this album. so i did (and effectively abandoned jiahui) and i suddenly realised that the line is taken from a song. i hope the context applies, because that would be alright in a way... that maybe the damage was contained, somehow. i hope.

i still have the mail with me, and i dunno what to do with them. 6 letters for 3 of my neighbours. (2 of the letters for an effectively ex-neighbour)

tired. but i wanted to go shower and then pick up some readings. i hope i do.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:07 PM.

Friday, December 05, 2008

 

at the moment. i dun really know what i want and in a very literal sense i'm hoping someone or something will come and tell me. but then again being myself i probably would half reject whatever people tell me anyway. and in this current state i'm not really able to think too clearly.

so i wouldnt know the answer. funny that i should be labelling it as my answer.

Zhengyu wrote at 3:17 PM.

 

my brain is getting tired.

the truth is i slept very little yesterday... and tonight will be a 5 hr night at most. it's stupid. it tremendously pointless. but it happened. and i'm burning myself to little bits while all these is happening.

i'm feeling rather out of place recently... and i dunno if it's because of something i did. or did not do. i dun really like to be left out, honestly. but i hope i'm not being left out on purpose... if not things will be -really- awkward when i ask to be included.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:57 AM.

Monday, December 01, 2008

 

that was the final paper. i dunno. it may really be my final paper here in nus. or i may take some random modules next sem, if got ppl take with me. funny how that was hardly a concern until now. i have my own agenda to fulfill for next semester. my responsibilities towards certain groups of people, and my own enrichment in the fields outside of the sciences. and things that i want to do, like build a new desktop. yah. although people do not advise me to do that, i decided that it would keep costs low... after all, i should be able to service most problems, with the help of my friends (when the need arises, hopefully not too often) yah. there's a list of things i want to do. and there's one thing that i want to do but cant do much about. and then there's fyp. i really need to find reasons for me to be in lab... time is running out and my motivation is still next to zero. i need to prepare for the next transition... i'm already too comfortable in this place, although i'm also feeling the increasing need to leave. for various reasons. some objective, some selfish, some just things that i believe in but i dunno if they are true.

i'm taking the day off to recover at home... i'm in too deep to stay objective le.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:13 PM.