Saturday, May 02, 2009

 

got too much time on the train on might as well type some thoughts.

it's 2.03pm, the AWARE EGM should have started by now, or possibly got delayed because of overwhelming registration numbers. mei is there, so i get first hand reports XD

the EGM represents something very personal for me, because it reminds me of what I have been through before. we chose to keep quiet and not challenge the opposition. our silent resistance resulted in a year of silent suffering. but it might not have been for the worst.

looking back, i feel that such challenges mean something in particular. we fight because we have a cause that we believe in, and that it has been challenged and therefore we stand up against this challenge. when two camps stand against each other, we ask that it be only in the discussion over this matter and nothing else. when religion was pulled in, it got complicated. i would like to ignore it as much as i can because the new dimension opens possibilities that i probably cannot finish discussing.

what has happened, exactly? an established organisation has been challenged in its doings and believes. nevermind that the method of challenge is less than desirable, i think that much everyone can agree on. but what is left now? AWARE once stood for representing women's rights. that was why, the old guards explain, that they need to be in acceptance of all believes and thoughts. so that all women can be represented.

now the line has been drawn. this old AWARE will probably never be able to fulfill this role in the christian portion of the targeted women. because they have been accused of being against the christian belief, and i dun imagine any religious woman might still go to such an organisation, no matter what the problem may be. so what happens to christian women? in the spirit of AWARE perhaps another organisation can be set up for them. or perhaps a new organisation altogether can be formed to cover the whole population, this time more careful not to become "anti-anybody at all".

does that solve our problems? i think not. sooner or later conflicts are going to come again. if there are two versions of AWARE, they will sooner or later have to cross paths, for example the wife is christian but not the husband and thus the daughter follows the father's religion. complications arise. if there was only one, the same people will come back to debate what exactly are its stand on homosexuality and its education to the youths. what we have lost, and perhaps merely come to realise that we lack, is true understanding of others.

in school, someone once pointed out that singapore works, and it is a practical choice, towards tolerance between religions and races. this is in contrast to understanding. we tolerate each other without necessarily understanding. we know, all this while, that christians have this belief, or for that matter, some group has some particular teachings/beliefs/practises,. we do not do anything against them. that is true tolerance. we might not like them, we might not appreciate their doings, but we keep quiet.

there comes a time when someone incites that this tolerance is not right and we must stand up for our beliefs. it happens sooner or later., even i have tried this sort of thing before. even if you condemn all such persons, think what kind of peace could that be if it just takes one person to break it. what we have built up is but a mirage of peace, waiting to be shattered on that one fateful day.

the AWARE saga has showed something that we need to learn. tolerance is not enough. true acceptance is necessary, and difficult. this will always remain a challenge unless we form a new singaporean race and religion and encompasses all, and somehow make everyone accept it. has the new guards really done wrong? has it really harmed our society per se? i dunno. i am inclined to say no, they have merely highlighted a blindingly obvious flaw in our society, albeit not in the kindest or most gentle way imaginable. but perhaps it might be painful enough to make everyone learn a lesson. i doubt it though. we seem to care too little to learn lessons these days.




qing gong

the first line of this song once resonated something in my heart. i used to think that young ones should dare to live the life they dream of, without hurting anyone along the way that is. technically i still do believe in that, but perhaps i have come to consider myself too old to be that adventurous. too tired, for the first time. too disinterested.

disinterested! have i ever been as such. i remember being really hopeful, with those romantic dreams. year after year, encounter after encounter. yet i was still hopeful even at 24. perhaps the most recent one really took everything that remained. as much as i trusted people, i start to think i shouldnt. as much as i loved life, i thought of sacrificing one for the other. all these are not your innocent romantic thoughts. all these are very practical methods of handling the reality out there that of course did not agree with my hopes. it never did. or i would not have been typing this entry. maybe one day it will agree better, but i dunno how i'll be viewing life by then. or maybe we'll stop dreaming altogether.

i am also being tested in my committee. how do you get people to work together? to really put their differences aside and work for a common goal. to really communicate to each other without offending each other. i perhaps asked or emphasised too much on results, and so are subconsciously hard going on the less productive. maybe i should think about how much thought processes they direct towards this committee. if you give wholeheartedly, then that should be good, even if your wholeheartedness is objectively not able to effect anything. you have, so to say, done your equivalent. handling people fighting each other tires me out so much. and i myself should be less judgemental. this disagreement between mind and emotion is not something worth going through, so why dun i just come to an agreement with myself,. and then try to get people to agree with each other.

time to go, reaching station le. 2.38pm.

Zhengyu wrote at 5:06 PM.