Thursday, May 28, 2009

 

went out with zhiwei and waikit today.

jiahui isnt around, if not i'll probably try to pull her out again. i dunno how i can be so open about the entire business with everyone else except one, and still pretend to be ok. no it's actually not ok. not after you have given yourself away slowly piece by piece and hoped so hard that at the other end you will be pieced together again. not after doing all that and still meant nothing compared to a bugger that you have despised all this while and yet he still is more important than you. not when you finally understand how it does not matter who you are or what you do or what you can ever become, there's just no space here for you.

and as time goes by, you see so many other things, hear people talk about others fondly, and you cannot understand what you have done wrong. what is wrong. and the competitive side of me is just screaming what the hell have i not done or done wrong that i can never even get in through the door. that bit of me just 不服气. i wouldnt have minded if you had took that other chance and moved on. but this one, this one just doesnt deserve it and it just makes me so mad.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:32 AM.