Tuesday, July 28, 2009

 

i guess i was never a necessity, but just frequently a convenience. and neither will this status change. it's not what i do or who i am, one is simply not another.

time to sleep this off, altho there's only a good 2+ hours for that.

Zhengyu wrote at 4:00 AM.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

 

crunching numbers. that system is now estimated at $731, but i'm sure there's hidden costs. eg, there's no price listed for towers. so it'll rise. i'm already choosing 2nd highest definition, but i doubt i'll be willing to let it go for something lower. 731 for a system is expensive! somemore i dun have software to work with. and i dun have that much budget to play with lah.

tmr is make cards and ppt day. zz. i really feel like asking jiahui or mei out. like i'm supposed to have met them so long ago and it has dragged on because of business in general.

everytime i log onto msn i inevitably think about this. and then how it's not going to happen. and then how i'm supposed to have moved to a state of inertness but it's not really happening. it seems i need a better reason, or a clearer knock on the head.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:52 AM.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

 

i just finished teaching 3E5. of course not immediate just, i had a sandwich and drink in between, and talked to cheryl about what i have done or not done.

i remember on my way out, the girl who was always on her earphones, angeline, said bye. they havent figured out exactly who i am i think, but they got the idea that that was the last time they will be taught by me. i tried to ask maggie to work harder, and told her how she can look for me. today faiz was super unsettled, and kept going around pretending to snip girls' hair with a pair of scissors, and he screamed, and didnt do his work. i know he knows how to do the balancing part, but actually i dunno how much of the rest does he understand. could he write chemical symbols? did he understand what i said about state symbols? or maybe he is already beyond ionic equations, except that i havent taught nor tested that so i wouldnt have known. eddie was quiet, hardworking in the corner. i really appreciated his constant asking of questions. and he spotted a mistake in my question, although not directly. at least he knew that the equation doesnt seem to be possible to be balanced. i treasure the time i made jeevan do the first equation in front of me. Yee Hui missed lesson last week and asked many questions.

i wun say i'll miss this class, but they certainly gave me a set of unique memories. one that ends 3 days prematurely too, here at skss.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:24 PM.

Monday, July 20, 2009

 

week 3 passed by and i didnt write any reflections.

but right now on my mind it's just what wengbo brought up. and then joel brought up the same thing. and i dunno whether i can go to bed in this state.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:59 AM.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

 

Reflections Week 2 Day 4

I went to observe the class under Serene. it was disappointing that as sec1s they were rather disinterested to learn, unconcerned that they were disrupting the class, and selfish enough to not care about the teacher and the rest of the class. sec1! maybe they are not mature enough yet to develop empathy. but it was very disheartening to see students so disinterested, so giving up on themselves without realising. they know some stuff, they are bright, but they dun like to practice and they dun see the point of listening or respecting the teachers.

zz. broken in thought. want to order time or economist but no money to subscribe. sigh.

how to we teach ppl to listen, to empathise?

Zhengyu wrote at 2:20 PM.

 

super late reflection of monday, week 2 day 1.

i taught two double periods today, one sec 3 maths and one sec 3 chem.

sec 3 maths was ok. the students were relatively motivated and interested on their own, so not much motivating was needed there. however they were struggling a bit with learning a new concept, and some of them look rather discouraged at the end of the day. i will see them again tmr, let’s hope we see good progress. on hindsight my teaching aids could have been better and probably could have given each group a model to look at directly. and that the visualiser/ppt idea is bad because it is a hassle to switch between the two. and visualiser is not very good for motion demonstrations. must take note.

sec 3 chem was not as good. when i stepped into the class i realise that this class, despite being an express class, had significantly lower self-motivation. i wanted to hear from them, to slowly perhaps understand why. is it because they are constantly compareed to the other classes? they could tell me that they are the latest class, and very plainly were not intending to change anything about it, almost accepting completely. i cant accept this sort of attitude. from one person perhaps, but as a class this is really not very healthy. how did an entire class end up like this? and this is only the first year since they were formed after streaming. i had people who constantly drifted off, but thanks to the better class i had earlier, i could make some sort of acknowledgable effort towards pulling them back to stay with me. but it was tiring to constantly have to walk around to catch people’s attention, to stop and pick someone out in class. but i feel that it is working, that if i perservere i might really see improvement. and the good thing about walking around is that there is the fans above them but not at the whiteboard area. and not the whole class is so sure about their identity as the latest class. (they had a late birds banner hanging high in their classroom, i am not sure how it got there) so let’s wait till friday. in the meanwhile i’m planning some surprises later today haha.

then yesterday i did my mad run to hall-btc-ucc. and i made it for convo. mad run it was, and thank every being for the LOA, otherwise i would have had to take the headache to hall on tuesday night to recover my attire. mum was like why were you using the jacket today and i had to gloss over it quickly. i had photos with parents, with friends here and there, with lab group and prof, with hall mates. there were two consecutive photos with two other teachers each. very funny. both had ppl saying let’s take a teachers photo, and i was like hey i just did that on the other side of the staircase. i never managed my double major dream, nor scored that honourable first class honours, but i think i took away enough things to last me for a longer time than any of these would have given me. i think i wouldnt have chosen anything else, except that perhaps i could have succeeded finding a partner. hahaha. but life takes you in the direction planned for you. i guess i have more time, more freedom, and a freer mind to wonder about the children in class and wonder about life as it is. these four years, using words from lynn chan, are to be proud of that we survived, even though we are probably not proud of the school. i am at least proud of the people i have met along the way. great people. people who scored well (but were barely distinguished except for those who knew the sequential ratikonale. it wasnt tough tho.) people who served others with excellence, but were even less mentioned, like Alvin Leong who was president of Temasek Hall, but were merely read out like any other. I’m sorry. it was injustice to an almost disgusting extent. so much for acknowledging the acheivements of our students. You guys didnt even bother to highlight those who have achieved first class. that was the minimum you could have done! night time was dance, the ending was disappointing because it wasnt well organised. i left alone at 11pm, quietly. i hope weng bo can appreciate that some of us will only reach home as late as about 1 hour after dismissal, so be sensitive. but she at least motioned that i could go off when i looked to her, so i thank her for that.

today i’m back. only one double period and that is for observation some more. time to go do my models. Oh monday was youth day btw. i went to see laiyi’s convo, with mengho and grace (the food science one) and oks, and i cant remember who else i met.

Zhengyu wrote at 2:19 PM.

Friday, July 03, 2009

 

Reflections Week 1 Day 4

Took relief for 1E5 maths today, double period. agenda: do thru worksheet on inequalities. it was a little last minute, but i think most importantly i was not prepared to teach a secondary 1 class. this was something i overlooked. i was thinking about how to explain the questions clearly, for a sec1 class. but i failed to remember that i have to prepare to first capture their attention somehow.

i went in with a brief introduction, that helped a bit, but not for long. by the end of the class i lost a good 25% in the far rear right, some more sleeping in the middle. I think i had the front row and i cant say much for the girls on the far left. they were quietly off the radar. i smiled, and frowned. i was dramatic at some places, which i think was ok. but i couldnt catch the interest of the sleeping and folks playing a fool at the back. yes, teaching is about passing knowledge. unfortunately what is not often mentioned is that teaching requires first inspiring your students to follow your lead, and all the while fighting against a syllabus that you need to do to help them get over their year and graduate to the next level.

i think. how could i have done it better? i was very lucky to meet an alliance teacher after school to discuss classroom management (i didnt discuss much with the teacher, presumably i failed so bad that i should just reflect first) techniques such as moving your presence around really helps. i felt it for myself, but i needed to go to the whiteboard so badly to continue with the lesson.

i ask. if i had stated that i wouldnt teach unless everyone was paying attention, what would be the outcome? i am asking the class to control each other for the benefit of the greater good. i am also asking them to pressure each other. For kids their edge I wouldnt like to introduce too much of this. but i might also be telling the disruptive ones to respect the majority and play along for the benefit of the others, something the govt would probably greatly approve of. sounds like a possible plan with potential psychological backfires.

if i had cut out the disinterested students, i pressure them to behave before i will teach them. they would want to be in part of the class, and so might learn to behave after some time. but we use embarassment and semi-physical treatment. and if they were totally disinterested in the first place (i hope not, havent met any such case as yet) then this does not help.

what else could i have tried? i don’t want to just ignore them because that makes learning really difficult for everyone else. standing at the back sounds like a good option, but a tough one. i should seek opinion.

possible set: 1. i want to provide a good environment for learning, and i believe you are interested to learn. i do not wish to teach in a distracting environment, and so i will stop when i have to. 2. those who i feel are disrupting others, i will have to remove you to let others continue to learn comfortably. show me that you are interested and then i will allow you to return. 3. i have a minimum set of things i have to teach you to help you prepare fir exans, but beyond that i really want to teach the things you want to learn.

it’s a mouthful. but we could try that. i want to treat them like learners, like mature persons. because naturally i myself am one, and i myself know i prefer to teach mature persons than spend my time and everyone’s time fixing small problems.

i learnt also, yesterday, that “kindly” says something that “please” doesnt. I should use more kindly from now on in class. my image is very unlike jiahui’s my approach from an older age.

but i tot my speaking is better now, and more composed. just that i need to make sure i dun mumble to myself too much.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:50 AM.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

 

reflections. week 1 day 3.

First thought: It's only day 3!!! i'm not going to make it past week 2!

and onwards.
1. i received my timetable today. though it's not exactly confirmed, i still went ahead to arrange for the classes. and in the process i got the go ahead to start teaching three classes next week. one of them mught even be this week. i need to source for practice questions but i dun have access to the shared folder. cheers.
2. observed Mrs Annie Tan and Mdm Angeline Lim in class, and learnt quite a few things about the delivery and stuff. and different styles.
3. trying out the "know your enemies" tactic that we discussed at tpp. let's see if it works.
4. went down to nuh and then A6 prac, reached home past midnight again. unloaded some stuff from hall into home. need windows laptop to work on arrangement stuff due today.
5. was not too happy about the sudden load but hey, life's like that. so let's just do it man. and maybe at the end of nie would be the revelation that all these were irrelevant. anyway dun intend to do maths with any power points or what... but need questions desperately.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:47 AM.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

 

i reached home today just before midnight. it's the first time this week, but thankfully today is tuesday, so that just means that i have been coming home past midnight for 2 nights. i aspire to sleep earlier tonight. like before 2.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:06 AM.