Sunday, August 30, 2009

 

rain.

one of those emo periods. doesnt help that i'm already quite emo and the whole business of handling people, committees, groups, make me more emo, and it's an emo sunday afternoon.

my clothes are hanging out at hall 8.

so maybe something passed by, maybe someone needed protection from things happening from happening to him. maybe someone needed not to see similar things in her life. maybe in my life everything else doesnt matter anymore.

teaching has become therapeutic. because out there in the classroom, it's full of hope and possibilities. in here in my life, there's only music left.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:01 PM.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

 

i havent really cleared up very much.

i wrote on my page, that life is worth fighting for. every little bit of it. but sometimes when i look back, i see that as i fought on long and hard for the things i thought was important to me, little bits of me died. bits that might once had been considerate enough or could empathise with others, they die along the way. bits of me that said youth is courage and we should go all out to live life for what it is, died. bits that sang to lyrics of 不怕爱错，只怕没爱过 have surely died a long time ago. bits that said i can change the world for the better now only remembers wanting to change the world but hardly knows what to change it into anymore.

so perhaps it's not such a great deal fighting on. perhaps it's only a dilemma about what to keep, what to give up on. i could jolly well have kept some of those sanity, but i would have had to give up something else. but either way i lose. all that accomplishment comes down to nothing in the end. all that character crumbles to bits when the time comes.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:53 PM.

 

early morning already no mood.

i finished reso stuff online, some outstanding matters. the problem is while finishing it i encounter things i dun want to see. or maybe i should say things i can't do, i have stopped trying to do, and now that i'm reminded of my utter failure it makes me feel lousy. then again in that sense i -am- lousy.

i don't seem to be able to move on from this same position for quite some time now.

Zhengyu wrote at 8:38 AM.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

 

slept alot in the afternoon. zz. good to catch up on sleep once in a while like this, esp when i dun seem to sleep early enough on weekdays. sometimes i even have to hold up juncai from sleeping in peace. =D happy now haha.

Zhengyu wrote at 3:35 PM.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

 

2.50am.

dun really want to sleep altho i am tired. sounds of thunder and flashes of lightning outside the window, but if there's any rain i havent felt its presence. i feel slowly relieved, maybe more able to work on my actual work. the one that i get paid for.

then again i havent sent out the mail with the updates. shall do that now.

Zhengyu wrote at 2:51 AM.

Friday, August 21, 2009

 

9.20am.

the world technically does not center around any person. so similarly it doesnt center around me. but i tend to get that feeling, like most ppl do to some extent, since the one thing we always see is our own life.

but that does not mean that any coincidental similarity with any other person's thoughts mean that they are related. in fact that would commonly be called wishful thinking or delusion.

so since we know it happens 99.9% of the time, we logically try to steer away from it. unless of course there is other reasons to substantiate that delusion.

right now, everything is either a neutral or a "yes you are really delusioned"

Zhengyu wrote at 9:23 AM.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

 

suddenly thought about trust.

trust is difficult to gain, easy to lose. trust is a leap of faith. trust works best when it's mutual, although how often that actually happens is often a regret. trust is something i couldnt establish.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:00 PM.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

 

morning. mornings are now defined by coffee and brief moments on the computer. now for the news.

Zhengyu wrote at 7:39 AM.

Monday, August 17, 2009

 

appeal to seniors. please stop raising the expectations of the team.

this is a task with no sure rate of success. if you understand what i mean, the best way of doing things now is to go in and pressure the administration. not to get a mass of angry and disappointed students that will eventually spin out of control. the pressure from the crowd is not something we can control, and there is already some level of it without us having to do anything. that is exactly the danger. dun use something that we cant control, it may hurt the hall deeply if we are not careful.

i forget to add. please also find out reasons before action. i question the reason for the outcome, and i have yet to have time to figure out why. but pressuring the wrong point will not help us. and those who know the reason might want to share with these seniors who are concerned. just understand that there might be reasons that should not be broadcasted, but perhaps can be entrusted to some people.

Zhengyu wrote at 10:32 AM.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

 

sometimes i blog because i need to vent, sometimes i blog because i am free and bored. today is a bit of both (shows something about my new school lifestyle huh.)

what will happen to float? great, we won something this year. already people (the more practical minded ones) are looking at what will happen next year, and of the few responses i have heard, the most common being that we will not be able to defend the prizes. why so pessimistic, some will ask. because i feel that we are lying on the complacent side. yes, we have developed tremendously over the past few years in terms of design, thanks largely to experienced designers, as well as their talents. yes, dance has improved over the recent years, to include more lively choreography, integration with the float, as well as our first cheerleading efforts. (honestly that is still my main direction of push at the moment) but can we sustain this?

looking ahead, we will most likely lose our design talent. can we sustain the level of workmanship and the engineering skills? maybe, if the young ones stand up to the test. but design is something difficult to hand down. there is one younger hope in the team, but i personally worry because that's all i can see. beyond him, there might be no more successors. will our seniors be able to come back and contribute positively and in time? i know i didnt manage that myself. i was frequently too late to help, too late to change things. costumes wise, there was a lot of playing smart, but we really still lack alot of skill there compared to many other halls. and no more body paint please, despite what i have been pushing for we end up inevitably on this track, year after year. but at least there was significant reduction.

how about dance? we have talented choreographers, albeit less experience. now they are better still, but will they be committed for the years to come? we would love to have a second fen, or more. but that's nothing to bank on, everyone is free to come and go. can we pull off cheerleading? in truth many seniors were the reason the cheerleading could be completed. a significant number of them have graduated, in particular some experienced ones. if we were to continue cheerleading, we need that core group size that can commit, start early. we used many prc freshmen this year, and it would be difficult for them to stay back for the hols to train up. in effect, both dancers and cheerleaders need a critical group (perhaps the same group) to help the choreographers experiment with their concepts. i dun not see this as feasible in the next float, unless perhaps starting really early to reduce ppl having to stay back for hols, but run the risk of eating into the semester and academics, and everything else in hall. keep in mind that our sem 2 just got busier than we were expecting. much busier. same concerns for running the design process.

i have not thought of solutions, but offhand two things will help: 1. that the next comm starts early, and in particular use seniors (including the freshies that have been involved) to plan and experiment. 2. that seniors come back often to check on and help out. there is perhaps a need to put a system in place to meet specific groups of seniors every week.

but what i am suggesting will not doubt eat into the resources of the hall for term time, as well as alumni energy to some extent. yet there's no other ideas off hand. i pray at least that keviians will retain the attitude to acheive, to make a difference with their own two hands. nothing will change by waiting and hoping for the best. we will only lose the prize for another decade. we must use our own sweat and blood to shape our future ahead, the way we want for ourselves and the hall.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:06 AM.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

 

doing chem equi qns. gosh we really dun remember much from those days. org chem was much worse.

from today's morning lesson: we have embarked on isolation.

Zhengyu wrote at 9:59 PM.

Monday, August 10, 2009

 

my head is still kind of numb.

i finally finished off something of a dream, of a goal. not that many ppl appreciate it, not that it really helped anyone at all. but after all that, i just want to lie low. it's convenient, really, since i'm being forgotten anyway. ah yam asked me to try to influence the decision, i'll see what i can do ba. but maybe that would be the end. maybe i might still come back for specific activities that wouldnt find me a bother.

i went to dangni's housewarming today, after practice in sengkang, after clearing out some stuff from wai kit's room. everyday seem like a composition of a few things. i wish i can hold on some more because there's more to settle, but i really cant say how much longer i can last. and i owe people projects and reports.

tmr is an important meeting with the new comm. i hope to start them right, and then finally handover this one year appointment to the next soul. in the first place, let's wake up early enough for mcd breakfast at engine.

Zhengyu wrote at 1:33 AM.

Friday, August 07, 2009

 

emo posting from like 2 days ago.

Ha. I dunno what i’m feeling now. It’s 3am, we’ve had a long dance rehearsal. I’m losing my patience, and i still dunno how to treat you.

The word that i can think of most is “clinical”.

You’re a flyer that deserves protection from falling; you’re a dancer that works hard and commits to the dance, and deserves that respect. I dunno what else i can say safely without crossing the line into biasness. If i have to lift you, so be it. If i have to spot for you, so be it. But i guess everything stops there.

Maybe it’s because it;s 3am that i’m so emo.

Zhengyu wrote at 8:51 AM.

Monday, August 03, 2009

 

first day at school. and we've been granted the license to fail. i think it's a good sign, although it might turn out to be just a poor excuse. but whatever the heck, we should embrace the challenges ahead and make it as much of a learning experience as possible for all of us. zz. tired.

Zhengyu wrote at 7:32 PM.