Tuesday, August 17, 2010

 

i think i need some kind of certainty. to be more precise, i think i need to know a black or white. you do or you don't. that kind of in between answer frustrates me in the sense that i keep thinking i have a chance when i probably do not at all. but i don't think it's anyone else's fault. it's really how i react to people.

i think if we listen close enough we should be able to pick up the signs. yes maybe it might work, but not now, and not in the near future. summary: it would work in your next life. but then really, how do i respond? do i take it in the optimistic way and think that i can do something to catalyse that process? at times like this i am ironically optimistic, almost as if that was the one cruel joke, to make a pessimist optimistic at that exact point that he should not be. why cant i just see it as it is, yes nothing is impossible, but this is not happening. stop imagine it is, or it will. it is what it is, which is nothing at the moment. whether it will spontaneously be found dead like the cat is an entirely different sack of problems to tackle.

just take it for what it is, treasure it for what it is, and stop expecting things to change. stop, for example, thinking that your problem students are turning back. stop all that hallucination. if it is happening, then good, acknowledge it. but do not think things will happen merely because you can dream of them that way. i believe i can see possibilities, beyond the human and mechanical side of things. i see too many possibilities, and i am too optimistic in them. ironic. but then, that might be related to my profession.

Zhengyu wrote at 12:00 AM.